Random weirdness from a tattoo-artist gun-toting biker-chick knitting foodie supernatural whovian with seven kids. Ecstatically married to slashingdashingwolf!
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Happy St. Patrick’s Day.
Happy St. Patrick’s Day.

(Source: thewhatever)

I think it’s Beer:53. Or maybe I should have a Cosmo or 3 since cranberry juice is so good for my kidneys?

SST #foodporn

Main course, beverage, and dessert.
All homemade at my house.
Well, except the beer.

You wish you were me

Diantha is popping popcorn (we only use the real kind).

The other kids have 30 seconds to find a kids’ show to watch & I’ll let them stay up to do so. Otherwise they get to go to bed, like now.

Ima watch the Boondock Saints (again, no time is too many)[maybe BOTH of them] and eat popcorn and maybe drink beer.

I really like my life.

Redneck bear is my companion this evening and he’s had too much already. Friggin’ lightweight.

And now I’m dropping popcorn down my cleavage again.

I think I might need another beer.

But then again, there’s the put-my-ass-on-tumblr possibility.

I think I better think it out again.

I thought I would gain a billion pounds from the roughly 1200 calories I consumed in beer alone last evening. But I didn’t. Oh and I’m sure I consumed enough germs to innoculate me until next year’s bash.

More to come on that, too

Ok more about the Integrity Bash, if you can bear it

I didn’t get drunk or totally fried. From the time I got there, I averaged about 1 lite beer an hour, and an occasional whiff of inhalation therapy in the mountain air if it was offered. I don’t like to lose control of my faculties.

Some people don’t have that same reservation though. At one point after dark, one guy drank an entire 5th of Jaegermeister, then put on a gorilla suit (all but the mask) and proceeded to fall down everywhere.

Some guys set up a target on an oak tree and used it as a shooting range. One of them asked if I wanted to shoot my gun and I said, “Mine’s where people can’t see it, and it’s staying right there.” Whereupon several guys offered to help me find it.

Autumne is the most gracious hostess I’ve ever seen. One would have thought she was in a mansion instead of a field in the Tennessee mountains, with 150 people, a port-a-pot, and no running water. She was everywhere, greeting and accepting everyone, with gentility. I love her.

Mark, a client who ended up being my tent-mate, lives not too far away and intended to drive home. Two hours later it was more than apparent that that would be a bad idea. I told him he could share my tent if he behaved himself.

He kept losing things (his hat, his drink koozie, his CHAIR, for god’s sake) and I kept finding them. He also lost his hearing from the shooting, so not only was he fairly wasted but one had to shout at him.

That was great fun. I’d be talking to people & he’d come up & say, “What did you say?” and I’d tell them that he couldn’t hear for shit and then shout something totally off the wall at him. The people I was talking to knew that wasn’t what I said, but he didn’t have a clue.

At some point someone put a 12-pack of beer into MY cooler. Hey, it’s my cooler, right? I didn’t drink any of them bc I had my own, still. Later on I found out whose beer it was. Then I had one, with her permission. Because I’m nice like that.

I met a lot of people and mostly remembered their names. This is amazing, because while I’m nearly a genius with numbers, names are just sounds to me so I almost never remember them.

There was some incredible ink walking around there. I got lots of tattoo pictures.

I’m sure I consumed enough germs to innoculate me until the Bash next year.

And Mark (mostly) behaved himself. Gotta hand it to him, he took NO means NO seriously. Might have helped that my 9mm handgun with one in the breech was within reach.

We may never know.

Night adventures at the Ken-Jo

Diantha and I drove to Kroger. Allen says he can get home ok but the bike battery is shot, I need to trade it in for a new one, and that he has to work til 1 AM.

We drive back to town and stop at the KenJo. They have double-cans of Miller High Life Light for 2/239. Cheap, cheap.

Just as I start to go in the store, this girl goes in & says to me, “That tattoo on your thigh is KILLER.” Also just as I go in the doors, I realized I didn’t have my ID on me. Some stoner guy and his friend heard me say, “OMG I forgot my ID.” There are a couple clerks there who recognize me but the guy tonight was new.

He says, “What do you want? I’ll get it for you.” I said I only wanted 5 cans of Miller Lite. So I hand him money and head back for the cooler. I start taking out double cans… 5 of them… and he’s like, “Whoa.”

He says, that guy’s totally gonna catch on that I’m buying your beer. I’ll meet you at the car. Which car? Oh yeah the one sitting out there still running and with the lights on while Stoner Guy and His Buddy buy beer. Duh…

So Diantha and I go out, we’re standing on the sidewalk over near my car, waiting for the guys to come out, and two police officers drive up and park right in front of us. So we walk over to Stoner Guy’s car and casually lean on it like we’re totally with him and His Buddy.

Out of the store he comes, hands me this bag with 7 1/2 pounds of beer in it, and starts talking to me about my tattoo. They couldn’t believe I’ve done all that work myself. Stoner Guy has a tat on his arm he wants covered and embellished, quite a good sized piece. His Buddy tells me it must be hard to tattoo yourself (yeah, really?) and that it must be REALLY hard to do all that upside down. Well yeah, but if I did it right side up to me, what would that look like to everybody else?

So Stoner Guy says, I totally have to come down and see you at Integrity, but right now I have to get with these guys, they’re waiting for the beer.

So he leaves, we get in the car (police are in the building, whew) and leave. We get a mile from the store, at this T stop, and the car in front of the car in front of us is stopped and PARKED at the stop sign. Here comes Stoner Guy, hoofing it back to my car. He’s like, “Oh man are my cigarettes in that bag with your beer? I totally forgot them.”

I handed them out to him & assured him I wouldn’t have smoked them. He called back, “Oh, no, that’s ok, Y’all are good…” got in his car and drove off.

Right past my house.

Apparently I’m beginning to “expand my horizons” already. LOL!!

Finally home.

After a little over 11 hours gone.

My first great act was to drop an olive oil carafe onto a crock pot. The olive oil carafe burst, flinging glass and olive oil all over my kitchen.

So after walking this morning and scrubbing 31 tattoo grips for sterilization and setting Miss Autumne up for 3 of her tattoos and doing 5 tattoos on people myself and being gone 11+ hours, I got to sweep my kitchen floor, wash the broom with Dawn dish soap, wash the floor with Dawn dish soap, and clean up glass.

I’m going to put the kids to bed.

Then have four beers a beer and maybe not even try maybe catch up with my tumblr dash.

I am not sorry about being alone with the internet on a Friday night. My friends are in here, and a couple more in my phone.

And tonight, that’s all the excitement I can take.