I did it because of the irony.

She made the choices she did. But a person can’t expect to live like that, and live.

That’s not really living anyway.

Why do we glamorize & idolize it?

So long, farewell.

then I came home.  I wouldn’t even have done the one, but I didn’t want to put the lady off.  When I didn’t have anyone to witness my divorce papers, she did it on the spur of the moment (in the Walmart parking lot) & even rounded up a friend for the 2nd witness.  Gotta appreciate a person like that.

The girls are doing homeschool and looking through the family picture box in my room, which isn’t helping me rest very much but it’s nice family time.

I’m lying in bed trying not to die.

My x’s brother John did die this morning.  I had to tell him I was so sorry, but didn’t know if the girls and I will make the trip.  It’s 13.5 hours one way, and I don’t have another driver.  The boys are already there with him.  

I should go though.  Even though Richard is my x, John was my brother too for 27 years.  The family already probably thinks I hate them because of the divorce.  I should go as an act of respect and goodwill.  No funeral details yet.

I hate being the grown-up, the responsible one, the one who has to do the right thing, even when I don’t want to.

Right now though, I’m in enough pain that I don’t want to think about it.

1. I’ve done one navel piercing today. Woohoo
2. A woman I was year-long swap partners with on a quilting email list I owned, made contact with me today through Facebook.  She said she heard of a woman on one of the quilt lists named Niki who went through a terminal illness and died.  She thought it was me & has been mourning the loss.  She saw (rare) posts to my facebook and thought it was my kids posting in memorial of me.  Well when I asked for a divorce, going to work full time and other adjustments, I did drop off the earth somewhat.  Just couldn’t keep up with everything.  But oops, she thought I died.  I guess I kind of did.
3. I almost never get time to quilt anymore.  I don’t even take enough time to knit like I should.  Sometimes in the evenings I’m just too tired to be interested.
4. At this rate, it’s gonna be a slim Christmas this year.  And a lot of ppl are going to have cold hands, heads, and feet.
5. I’m in a really lousy mood.  I feel pissed off at the world and at the same time, on the verge of tears, for no reason.

Bonus:  They’re playing metal music in the shop and that doesn’t help me NOT want to kill something.

Yes. What a devastating day.

(Source: coeurdesfeuilles)