bethebutterfly:
Things My Mother Taught Me
My mother taught me TO APPRECIATE A JOB WELL DONE - “If you’re going to kill each other do it outside-I just finished cleaning.”
My mother taught me RELIGION - “You better pray that will come out of the carpet.”
My mother taught me TIME TRAVEL - “If you don’t straighten up, I’m going to kick you into the middle of next week.”
My mother taught me LOGIC - “Because I said so, that’s why.”
My mother taught me FORESIGHT - “Make sure you wear clean underwear, in case you’re in an accident.”
My mother taught me IRONY - “Keep laughing and I’ll *give* you something to cry about.”
My mother taught me OSMOSIS - “Shut your mouth and eat your supper.”
My mother taught me about CONTORTIONISM - “Will you look at the dirt on the back on your neck!”
My mother taught me STAMINA - “You’ll sit there till all that spinach is finished.”
My mother taught me about WEATHER - “It looks as if a tornado swept through your room.”
My mother taught me how to solve PHYSICS PROBLEMS - “If I yelled because I saw a meteor coming towards you; would you listen to me then?”
My mother taught me about HYPOCRISY - “If I’ve told you once I’ve told you a million times-Don’t Exaggerate!!!”
My mother taught me THE CIRCLE OF LIFE - “I brought you into this world, and I can take you out.”
My mother taught me about BEHAVIOUR MODIFICATION - “Stop acting like your father.”
My mother taught me about ENVY - “There are millions of less fortunate children in this world who don’t have wonderful parents like you do.”
Thanks, Mom!
