Random weirdness from a tattoo-artist gun-toting biker-chick knitting foodie with seven kids. Keep the change, ya filthy animal...

Walking around with my nose in a shot glass of milk

NOT LIKE MY FAMILY HAS WEIRD HAPPEN TO THEM ON A DAILY BASIS OR ANYTHING, NO. AND THEY CAN”T ESCAPE IT BY MARRYING AND MOVING AWAY!!

hamncheezr:

I’m making white bean and chicken chili for dinner.
The recipe, that I loosely go by, having read it years ago and ignoring it since then, calls for some kind of small dried red chilies in it.

I put the beans on the cook, chopped up some garlic in it and dug thru the cupboard. I found a ziplock bag of some sort of largish dried red chilies. I thought they were poblanos or something, any way the larger the pepper the less hot, right? I picked out two, sliced them in half and scraped the seeds out. In the pot they go. I washed my hands. A couple minutes later I smelled the steam coming off the pot and it smelled spicy. I had an “OH NO!” thought and scooped them out. Then I blew my nose.

OMG I GOT PEPPER OIL UP MY NOSE!
AAAAAAHHHHH!!!

My nose was BURNING AND BURNING AND BURNING and I washed my hands 50 times and my fingers still smelled spicy and I wiped my nose and OMG IT GOT WORSE!

AND I’M PANICKING AND I FILLED A SHOT GLASS WITH MILK thinking that milk would cool the burn? so I’m standing over the sink with my nose stuck in a shot glass of milk and it didn’t work!

AND I CALLED MY MOM who was tattooing and had the phone on speaker so some dude with a spider on his head, getting a tattoo someplace kind of private got to hear me screeching that IT BURNS AND OMG MAKE IT STOP AND MY EYES ARE BURNING NOW AND I TRIED MILK AND IT DIDN’T WORK AND OMG IT BURNS!

Mom said mix up some sugar water and snort it. So I stuck my nose in a cup of heavily sugared water and Jeremiah’s laughing and said, “You’re gonna drown your fool self” and I didn’t spank him for being snarky because he’s probably right and it felt better as long as I kept my nose in the glass of sugar water and then I washed my hands with it.

AND I NEED A SHOWER BUT I’M AFRAID TO WASH ANY OTHER PARTS OF ME BECAUSE MY EYES AND MY NOSE AND MY LIPS AND MY CHIN ARE BURNING!!!

And after the 3rd round of sugar water it’s a little better and I can stand it.

But I’m still a little afraid to take a shower.
And should I be worried of a sinus infection now that I’ve had sugar up my nose?

Am I good to me or what? Omelet with green pepper, green onion, pepperoni and 4-cheese blend. Plus beer. (Taken with instagram)

Am I good to me or what?

Omelet with green pepper, green onion, pepperoni and 4-cheese blend. Plus beer.

(Taken with instagram)

Homemade onion, mushroom, and pepperoni individual pizza on garlic Naan flatbread. It just needs some crushed red pepper.

Homemade onion, mushroom, and pepperoni individual pizza on garlic Naan flatbread.

It just needs some crushed red pepper.

We’re making homemade pizzas. Mine & Artemas’ has pepperoni, smoked pork, bacon, onions, mushrooms, spinach. (Taken with instagram)

We’re making homemade pizzas.

Mine & Artemas’ has pepperoni, smoked pork, bacon, onions, mushrooms, spinach.

(Taken with instagram)

Dinner - home-fried Swai fish, jalapenos & tater tots with homemade tartar and cocktail sauces. (Taken with instagram)

Dinner - home-fried Swai fish, jalapenos & tater tots with homemade tartar and cocktail sauces.

(Taken with instagram)

Homemade pizza with cheese in the crust, yum (Taken with instagram)

Homemade pizza with cheese in the crust, yum

(Taken with instagram)

My cast-iron claw foot tub container garden! • Far end: red-leaf lettuce. I can cover that end with a screen to reduce sun exposure • Left edge by lettuce: pansies • Left end near: Big Bertha Bell peppers • Right side near: Lemon Boy (low-acid yellow) tomatoes I still have room up the middle for rows of green onions.

My cast-iron claw foot tub container garden!

• Far end: red-leaf lettuce. I can cover that end with a screen to reduce sun exposure
• Left edge by lettuce: pansies
• Left end near: Big Bertha Bell peppers
• Right side near: Lemon Boy (low-acid yellow) tomatoes

I still have room up the middle for rows of green onions.